Men leave marriages more than women. This is because for a man his greatest emotional need is what he achieves in his profession.
Many men see marriage as a pastime or social obligation because in Ghana every adult is expected to marry.
A man may therefore leave a marriage for any reason you can think about and irrespective of how badly her woman needs him.
About six years ago, a man left his wife because he did not put ‘koobi’ (salted fish) in his soup!
In many cases when a man leaves his wife, the issue may have nothing to do with the woman but the man himself. He may lose his self-esteem and think he is not man enough to marry.
For example if a man fails in his business or finds his wife making greater progress in life, he may lose his ego and feel he is not good enough to be husband.
He wants to free himself from stress and find space to rebuild his self-esteem. When he makes a deeper reflection or his situation improves he may regret his action and realise his wife is much better than he thought.
Today studies show over 90 per cent of partners who leave marriages regret and wished they had been patient and worked on their marriages.
Many men face the challenge of how to go back to their wives.
How to get back your wife
Give yourself space to get over your hurt, confusion and pain. You also need space to heal yourself. Think of the good times you shared and the sacrifices she has made for you.
Whatever you have achieved she has been the woman behind your success. It is, therefore, wrong to leave her when she needs you most.
Keep friendly contact with your ex-wife. On the quiet, find out if she is available and accessible. Apologise even if it was not your fault.
Let her know you still love and respect her. If you find it hard to apologise, just keep talking to her and being very friendly. You may also send gifts to her.
What is more, you can start visiting the children, monthly, weekly; Women have intuition and can tell if you really want her back.
It is better to try and fail than do nothing at all. It takes one committed partner to get back a marriage. Let it be you.
Why you must go back
The Akans say marriage is not like palm wine which you can taste and not buy. This means marriage is for life.
God makes no room for divorce and so must you. Even when you are remarried ‘the woman you now have is not your wife’ (John. 4:18).
Second marriages break down faster than first marriages because partners carry emotional pain into them.
Better the devil you know than the angel you don’t.
You will never find a perfect partner because angels do not marry. Your resolve to cope with your challenges will make a difference.
If you have children, appreciate that parenting is teamwork because both parents have unique roles in the holistic development of their children. Single parenting has harmful effects on children.
When they marry there is a 75 per cent chance they will also be victims of divorce.
Our mothers were wiser; when they faced challenges they will say ‘mmofra no nti’ or because of the children and stay on.
Never let your innocent children suffer for your actions and inactions.
As far as it is within your means, put the focus on yourself, avoid blame game, forgive unconditionally and go back to your ex-wife.
If you think of the good old times and develop a positive mental attitude about your ex, you will find she is good and worth your wife.
The Akans say it is easy to reignite a glowing firewood. When you go back, you have the opportunity to breathe renewed love into life.
Go for it
By: Dr John Boakye