The chemistry is off the charts. He checks off all your boxes. She is everything you ever wanted in a partner. But are you compatible?
According to marriage counsellors, compatibility is key to a life-long partnership.
“Compatibility is more important than love ? believe it or not ? and goes hand in hand with respect and communication at the top,” therapist Susan Pease Gadoua told The Huffington Post.
Below, nine signs you and your partner are compatible.
1. You share the same core values.
“When the going gets tough, like it does in all relationships, knowing that you share the same core values makes difficult decisions easier because you both have the same inner compass. Core values are the foundation of a strong relationship.” ? Megan Fleming, clinical psychologist and sex and relationship therapist
2. Your partner finds your quirks endearing.
“To be great partners, you cannot expect perfection. Everyone has their quirks and flaws, and to be healthy together you need to make sure you see these imperfections as endearing. Marriages break up over an accumulation of ‘small stuff.’ Do what you can to love unconditionally.” ? Sherrie Campbell, licensed psychologist.
Being totally yourself around your partner — warts and all — is a good sign you are compatible.
3. You come out the other side of an argument in one piece.
“If you’re in the romantic bubble and haven’t yet had a fight or disagreement, you’re probably still on your best behaviour.
This isn’t bad ? and, in fact, it’s supposed to happen this way ? but the truth is, you haven’t really had your relationship tested and you may still be relating on a superficial level.” ? Susan Pease Gadoua licensed therapist with expertise in marriage and divorce.
4. Your partner is the first person you want to share good and bad news with.
“Got a promotion? Won the lottery? No cavities? Your ideal partner will be the person who will be your biggest cheerleader and want to celebrate these victories without jealousy or scorekeeping. But also, in every life a little rain must fall. Compatible partners feel safe enough to splash in the puddles with one another.
It takes a great deal of trust to disclose vulnerable, painful elements of your life to someone so important to you, but the strongest couples can withstand this strain and provide support while working toward a solution.
If you can’t let your significant other help you when you’re down, how close are you, really?” ? Ryan Howes, clinical psychologist.
5. You have similar upbringings.
“While we all love the romance of ‘Pretty Woman,’ shared backgrounds tend to be an immediate way couples bond and find compatibility. There is a shared experience when you both come from a divorced family or an intact one, if you both grew up in the same house or moved around a lot or if you grew up in middle or upper-class homes. When someone has a similar upbringing, there tends to be a more intimate understanding, enhanced familiarity and comfort in a relationship. Comfort lends itself toward feelings of compatibility.” ? Anne Crowley licensed psychologist
6. Your interests overlap and you have fun together.
“People who play together stay together. Healthy couples are great playmates and enjoy being active together. Being active is a time to be best friends, to be outside and to be together.” ? Sherrie Campbell
7. You both take responsibility and apologize.
“I can’t tell you the number of couples who enter therapy saying their life is miserable because of something their partner does, and that once the partner changes, they will be happy. Healthy couples assess their own contribution first, and only point to their partner’s flaws once they’ve taken responsibility for their role in the conflict, minor as it may be.” ? Ryan Howes
8. You’re committed to growing together.
“The man or woman you marry today will not be the same person in a year, five years or ten years. The happiest couples are those committed to their own respective personal growth as well as their growth as a couple. Your relationship is a place to heal any unfinished business from childhood.” ? Megan Fleming
9. You have similar views on drugs and alcohol.
“People tend to be more compatible when they have things in common. This holds true for how much or little one imbibes. When you drink socially, there is an ease of compatibility, an immediate opportunity to hang out ? ‘let’s meet up over happy hour.’ If neither of you drink there is no awkwardness of drinking in front of the other or being pressured to drink. However, when one person drinks more than another or uses other substances like marijuana or illicit drugs, this impacts compatibility because someone gets left behind.” ?Anne Crowley