One of my biggest pet peeves when I start talking to a new guy is when we just can’t seem to keep a conversation going for the life of us. We can have chemistry. We can have similar interests. But sometimes, the conversations just don’t flow naturally.
Not only is this my biggest pet peeve, but it’s also the biggest reason I don’t continue seeing a person. How can I expect to have a relationship with someone when we can’t even have a conversation? To me, that’s a red flag.
Don’t let the conversation die!
It’s not just bad chemistry that can make a conversation go flat, there’s actually a lot of different reasons that cause the awkwardness of them going dead. Luckily, a lot of those reasons have to do with the guy – or even both of you – not knowing what you need to do to get talking.
If you really like a girl, then your best chance at making her yours is to be a great conversationalist. No one will want to stay away from someone that they love talking to. Here’s how to keep a conversation going with a girl you really like.
#1 Be prepared. If you show up for a date or enter into a conversation not having anything you want to talk about and share with her, you’re going to fall flat. You have to be prepared for all different types of conversations if you want to keep a conversation going with a girl.
Not only do you have to be prepared for topics, but you have to be in a mindset that is prepared to be calm and collected. Most of the time, a person’s nerves will get in the way and they’ll be too caught up in their own nervousness that they won’t be able to hold a proper conversation.
#2 Talk about her interests. Someone once told me that if I really wanted to get to know someone, I should ask what they LIKE to do instead of what they do for a living. While it is obviously a topic that will come up at some point or another, never start out with talking about work.
This brings up stress from work and can cause a person’s mood to shift. If you ask them what they like to do, you’ll get them talking about their passions and they’ll not only have a lot to say about it, they’ll be in a much better mood.
#3 If she seems chatty, keep going on that topic. Too many guys make the mistake of switching topics just when a girl starts getting excited about one. This is usually because they fear the conversation going dead and want to make sure they have something else to talk about.
However, that actually creates the opposite effect than what people intend to do because she’ll just be bummed that you skipped over that topic and you’ll run out of things to say. When a girl seems to be liking the topic you’re discussing, don’t stop talking about it until she ends it.
#4 Ask questions. The best thing to do in order to keep the conversation going is to keep asking questions. Don’t necessarily make it seem like an interview, but don’t listen to what their favorite band is and then move on. Ask them why it’s their favorite, if they’ve ever seen them in concert, etc.
Asking questions not only allows you to get to know them better, but it’ll also cause new topics to arise during the conversation. Keeping a conversation going with a girl involves asking detailed questions about different topics.
#5 Use other people’s stories/experiences, too. You don’t have to just stick to what you know. If she’s talking about something that you know a friend had a really funny story about, go ahead and share it. Pulling from someone else’s experiences gives you more material to cover.
Not only will you keep the conversation going with a girl, but you’ll also give her insight into your life with your friends and/or family and she’ll be able to get to know you better as well.
#6 DON’T interrupt her. I know it’s hard not to interject when you think of something that relates to something she’s talking about – especially if you don’t want to forget it in the fears of running out of things to talk about – but just avoid it at all costs.
Try to hold onto those thoughts until she’s done with what she’s talking about and then bring them up. It’ll keep the conversation flowing smoothly and she won’t feel like you’re trying to shut her up by cutting her off.
#7 Avoid yes and no questions. You should definitely be asking a lot of questions, but make sure they’re open ended. Asking yes or no questions can seem like the way to go if you want to keep a conversation going with a girl, but you’re only limiting her to using those words.
Asking open ended questions or asking her to elaborate on something somewhat forces her to open up more and talk more. This will make the conversation seamless as well.
#8 Have some topics already at hand and ready to go. It may seem lame to have a list ready to go about topics to talk about, but if you really want to keep a conversation going with a girl, then it might be your only hope.
Now, you don’t have to keep a list out during a dinner date and cross certain things off – that may actually be creepy – but you should have a mental checklist. Talk about her hobbies, pets, family, job, and even something about her college life. Knowing what to talk about next will save you when it seems like the conversation is taking a downhill turn.
#9 Embrace the awkward silences and make them funny. Even if you’re over-prepared, there will probably be moments of silences anyways. The best thing you can do for these is to just acknowledge them and bring some humor to the moment.
Better yet, talk about how you love or hate awkward moments because they’re so funny. You can even bring up a previous funny story about an awkward moment so you can start a conversation about that.
#10 Accept that sometimes it’s not your fault. There are just some girls out there that suck at having a conversation. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. They may either just not be good at talking to someone or they may not be interested in you – which isn’t your fault.
Just remember that you can try all the tricks in the book, but if the other person isn’t putting forth the effort, then it’s not going to be a successful conversation. As long as you try your best to keep the conversation going with a girl, that’s all that matters.