Deal breakers. We all have them when dating. Some of these deal breakers are based on personal tastes while others pertain to peer pressure and societal norms. Of course, many also know that love, true love, is rather blind. So why is it that people oftentimes create truly shallow deal breakers that hinder them from finding true love? The following list is just a few examples of deal breakers that mean you are not ready to commit.
1. Physical appearance Yeah, we have all heard the phrase: beauty is only skin deep, and that’s certainly true. If you find yourself focusing only on what a person looks like, that is a sad basis for forming a relationship. Hairstyles, fashion sense, piercings, and tattoos – none of these things reveal much about who a person is on the inside.
Unless you are merely seeking out someone to bump your nether regions with, that’s fine. But you can’t assume every beautiful face comes with a beautiful soul. Besides, the more you love someone, the more gorgeous they become.
2. Age Having lived in Japan, this one still continues to blow my mind. People will get frantic if they are still single by 30 years old. Especially women. Many cultures assume there is a ‘marriageable age,’ a limiter on the body based on numbers. I think that marriageable age is silly. The digits that represent how long you have been on this planet are no representation of your health, beauty, worth, or anything close to how you connect with others.
Now, I am not saying an 80-year-old can marry a 12-year-old. Ew. No, what I’m saying is that, when you are mature enough to know who you are in love with, it should not matter if they are forty-something and you are in your twenties.
You both have long, fulfilling lives in the head of you. So don’t focus on a number. Besides, with worldwide health improvements, a good diet, a decent level of fitness and a whole lot of laughter can turn a 70-year-old body into a biologically 35-year-old body.
3. Family history How your person of interest grew up, and the issues they faced with family members is certainly of curiosity many of us seek to question on even on the first date. As tempting as it might be to rule out a potential candidate based on how nutty their family is or what they have been through, don’t.
This is similar to looking at a pond and thinking it is a puddle. People react and grow in accordance to family matters in numerous ways. Their surname has no effect on who their personality. Unless they are royalty.
4. Money Going off of the above, finances are, again, a pretty thing to influence your choices in human beings. Some of the happiest people on this planet have very little money to spend. The richest people are not necessarily those swimming in gold. I can understand the lure of financial stability, but money does not dictate how pleasing your relationship will be.
True love is far more valuable than any material object that currency purchases. Love is the real treasure, not jewels. Of course, there is the argument that love will come in time; but do you really want to have to force yourself to like someone just for the sake of being able to afford riches? I don’t.
5. Education Since when has society become so fixated on paper? Apart from currency, people seem to be in love with documents featuring pretty script and letterheads. Seeking out someone with an M.D. or Ph.D. tacked onto the end of the name may seem like an awesome strategy.
Yet, there are a lot of people in this world who have never finished high school and are far more accomplished than someone who is up to their eyeballs in student loan debt for a Doctorate. The extent of intelligent conversation that can happen between two people is not somehow regulated by how long you have spent in college.
Engaging dialogue is generated by interests and enthusiasm. An educated mind is nice, but it does not equate to an open, inquiring mind. Intelligence comes in a myriad of forms, after all.
Rather than seeking out someone with a degree, seek out someone who questions the world, uses their imagination, and has a decent mix of common sense and book sense. Find someone who shares the same view of the world as you do, not the same degree.
Humans are picky creatures. We think we know what is best for us until we find it, that is. True love is often the exact opposite of what we think we want, so do not discourage your soulmate from walking into your life by being short-sighted in terms of relationships.
Stay open and accepting. Meet people from all walks of life and in a range of ages. You never know who will capture your heart, open your eyes, and bring magic to your life if you cannot look beyond the surface.