So your new sweet romance has suddenly soured … again. How is it possible that everything can be going so well, and then out of nowhere, your relationship fizzles – or worse, explodes? Well,you might be the reason for that. Case in point: half the scenes in UnREAL. (Not to point fingers, but producer Rachel Goldberg just kept ruining things for herself.) Here’s how you could be screwing things up.
1. You focus on the negative. Your boyfriend does 99 great things for you, but you just hone in on that one dirty dish in the sink. Switch your thinking and realize how those heart-eyes-inducing acts of love make you feel instead.
2. You’ve become bored with your routine. Humans crave new experiences. That’s why a weekend escape sounds so much more appealing than rooftop drinking yet again. Sure, having a routine can be comforting, but a little spontaneity can help spark a new flame in your relationship.
3. You’re not investing in yourself. It might sound counterintuitive, but stoking interestsoutside of your relationship can help strengthen your connection with bae. Try some new things on your own, like floral arranging or creative writing, and identify as something more than “so-and-so’s girlfriend.”
4. Your insecurities get the best of you. Being down on yourself and your inability to find love can quickly become a self-fulfilling prophecy. In other words, you’ll subconsciously look for ways to prove you’re unworthy so you’ll think everything (even super-minor issues like when he texts back with just “K”) is cause for concern. He’s just busy, so stop overthinking.
5. You’re uncomfortable talking about sex. Bedroom compatibility is obviously important, but how will you know if you haven’t discussed each other’s needs between the sheets? It’s going to get awkward, but it also needs to happen, so get over it like an adult and have the talk.
6. You don’t show an interest in his passions. Even if your guy’s interests seem trivial to you, it’s important to give him your attention when he’s talking about them. Not only will it be a great opportunity to connect and gain a deeper appreciation of what your guy’s into, but he also just deserves to feel like what he has to say is worthwhile.
7. You take your partner for granted. When people feel unappreciated, it can lead to resentment (no shocker there), so make sure your significant other feels valued. It only takes about two seconds to say, “Thank you,” or, “I love you,” but the impact will linger for a much, much longer time.
8. You’re not open to change. The phrase “you can’t change someone” sounds about right in theory, but it’s not exactly true. People do change — you just can’t force them to. The person you fell in love with is not going to be the same person one, five, or 10 years down the road. Like you, they’ll evolve, so you can either reject change and slowly grow apart, or embrace newness and stay together.
9. You put other people ahead of your partner. Hey, here’s a novel idea: Make your partner a priority. It doesn’t matter if it’s a new guy or your better half, he deserves your attention and time. So give it.
10. You involve too many people in your problems. Your best friend, hairdresser, coworker, therapist, and bikini waxer don’t all need to hear about your issues with your guy. The more you talk negatively about your significant other, the more the narrative sticks in your mind and the more damage you can inflict on your relationship.
11. You’re moving too quickly. Instead of seeing the relationship for what it is right now, you’re seeing it for what it could be in the future — and that’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself and your boo. You might overlook some red-flag deal breakers, like if he’s thinking about moving to a different city for work, if you’re too busy putting items into a wedding registry.