Everyone experiences feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy at some point in their lives. It’s natural to feel less-than, especially when you’re trying something new or find yourself in a challenging situation. These types of feelings usually pass quickly and do not interfere with reaching goals or succeeding in life.
On the flip side of this temporary self-consciousness is something more serious. Constantly feeling as if you’re not good enough to the point that you never try anything new or never take risks that could help you to be more successful or happier in your life is called low self-esteem. And that, my friend, is never a good thing.
Whether you suffer from low self-esteem that has resulted from some trauma in your past, or you just naturally find yourself blending into the background and hoping to go unnoticed, there are things you can do to overcome these harmful thoughts and become the confident and self-assured person you wish you were. Check out the following signs of low self-esteem, see if you notice them in yourself, and then read on to find out how to grab life by the balls and take charge.
10 signs you could be suffering from low self-esteem
Like I said, everyone doubts themselves now and then. It’s natural and okay. However, if you find yourself missing out on things because you just aren’t sure you’re good enough, or you spend a lot of time envying others for their success and happiness but feel powerless to make it happen for yourself, you probably have low self-esteem.
The list below includes signs of low self-esteem to help you identify the issue so you can do something about it.
#1 You pay extra-close attention to what others think about you. It’s okay to want to appeal to others. Of course, you want everyone to think you’re cool, smart, etc. However, when you spend more time worrying about what others think of you rather than making yourself happy, it’s a problem.
This kind of behavior often leads to you doing things that you normally wouldn’t do, or it causes you to keep your thoughts to yourself because you worry they might not coincide with others’ opinions.
#2 You always compare yourself to everyone else. Whether or not there’s a reason to compare yourself, you do it. More often than not, in your mind, you never measure up. Constantly comparing yourself to others and always finding fault with yourself can damage your already fragile ego.
#3 You have poor posture. You slouch. You don’t stand tall, giving the impression that you aren’t proud of yourself at all. Most people don’t pay much attention to their posture, but take it from me, other people notice and it makes a difference.
#4 Compliments make you uncomfortable. When someone gives you a genuine compliment, it makes you squirm. You feel uncomfortable and you don’t know how to respond. You tend to negate compliments directed at you as soon as they are given.
#5 You throw in the towel too quickly. Your lack of confidence causes you to quit striving for your goals before you hardly begin. In your mind, you feel you aren’t worthy of achieving success, so why bother? Someone else is probably more qualified, anyway.
#6 Constructive criticism feels like a personal attack. When your boss comes to you with a suggestion for improving your work, you feel as if she is being unfair. You just know she’s about to fire you because you can’t do anything right. If your best friend tells you that your yellow dress isn’t really that flattering on you and suggests you wear the blue one, your feelings get hurt and tears fill your eyes.
#7 You pretend everything’s okay, even when it’s not. You find it easier to just pretend everything’s fine, and you hardly ever voice your opinion *even when you disagree* in order to avoid conflict and to appease others.
#8 You say “sorry” all the time. You feel as if you have to apologize for everything. Almost everything that comes out of your mouth *and pretty much everything you do* is cause for an apology, no matter who you’re with or what you’re doing.
#9 You can’t make up your mind, even with the simplest of decisions. You have a hard time making a solid decision about anything. What food should you eat? What color should you paint your bathroom? Even when you finally manage to make a decision, you often change your mind several times, hoping someone else will make a decision for you.
#10 You get a thrill out of making others feel bad. Although not usually a conscious action, putting others down and making them feel bad is often a result of low self-esteem. If you find that you enjoy watching weaker people than yourself squirm as you belittle or bully them, chances are, you suffer from low self-esteem. Passing your own insecurities off on others is a classic sign.
5 ways to raise your self-esteem
All is not lost if you have low self-esteem. It’s actually quite easy to raise your confidence to be happier and become more successful in life. Read on to find out how.
#1 Help others. The act of helping others rather than putting them down can really change the way you see yourself. Offering a helping hand also gives others a reason to look up to you. You’ll feel better about yourself faster than hurling insults ever could.
#2 Accept compliments without judgement. The next time someone gives you a compliment, immediately accept it with a sincere “thank you.” Don’t even wonder to yourself whether you deserve it or not. Just accept the fact that someone thinks you do and that’s that. If you stop yourself from wallowing in doubt every time someone says something nice about you, you’ll quickly stop jumping to that conclusion automatically.
#3 Stop apologizing for every little thing. Saying, “I’m sorry” is important when you make a mistake or do something wrong. It isn’t something you say when a co-worker asks to borrow a pen and you don’t have one. It’s also not something you say when your BFF happens to not agree with your stance on gun control. Save the “sorries” for situations that truly call for them.
#4 Realize there is no comparison between you and anyone else. There are so many unseen variables at play when you compare yourself to others. Even if you have something in common with someone, there may be things going on in their life that you don’t know about.
Keep in mind that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence, and focus instead on the things you do know about and can control about yourself. There’s a reason everyone is different. The world would be a pretty boring place if we were all the same.
#5 Try positive affirmations. Raising your low self-esteem isn’t going to happen overnight. Besides taking the proactive steps listed above, you have to retrain your brain to think differently. Positive affirmations work well for this. Stand in front of a mirror each morning and recite positive, uplifting messages to yourself. Say things like:
– “I am loved, and my opinions matter.”
– “I am in control, and I can make my own decisions.”
– “I am beautiful/handsome/pretty.”
– “I am a kind and giving person.”
Whatever the situation, turn it into a positive affirmation, look yourself in the eye, and say it. You need to hear it from your own lips that you are a worthwhile, capable person.
Low self-esteem can limit your ability to succeed in all aspects of your life, from landing that promotion to getting that first date. If you don’t feel confident in yourself, others won’t feel confident in you, either.
By: Shawn Lehrke